Tuesday, December 2, 2008


Lately, I've really been wrestling with the concept of vulnerability along with fakeness. I've noticed how little people share with one another and how much they hide. I most certainly would put myself in that group of people as well. I've done such a good job at hiding, that I can't even find myself anymore. I find myself wondering why people don't know me or why they don't understand me. It has nothing to do with them, or very little at least. I've been hiding. Like in a game of hide and seek when some one is hidden in such a great spot, you just seem to give up looking. You almost don't even care if you find them. My hiding place is so good that people just don't even bother looking anymore. At one point, I think even I stopped looking. Who would I be if my clothes didn't match and there wasn't makeup on my face? What if I spoke everything that came to mind? The world is just so full of people trying to look perfect, and no one can ever see who we really are. What if as artist, we showed all of our work, even the ones that looked like a little kid scribbled on the paper? What if as photographers, we showed all of our photos, even the ones that are blurry and have a horrible composition? What if as musicians, we let people hear when we sing off key? What if as writers, we turned off spell check and didn't read what we wrote before letting someone read it? What if as teachers, we told our students that we don't have the answer? What if we allowed our selves to cry in front of people with out a care of what we look like? Being vulnerable takes great courage, a courage that many people may never have. Honestly, I don't have close to enough courage to live like this, but I've come to the point in my life were I almost just don't care anymore. I'm longing for those deep relationships and I wish that people would be real. I can't just sit around waiting. Something needs to be done. 

Unfold by Marie Digby

"But, I don't want to go on living/ Being so afraid of showing/ Someone else my imperfections/ And even though my feet are trembling/ Every word I say comes stumbling/ I will bear it all/ Watch me unfold.... My soul it's dying to be free/ I can't live the rest of my life so guarded/ It's dying to be free/ It's up to me to choose/ What kind of life I lead.... I will allow someone to love me." 

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